Imagine my surprise today while sitting on a cramped plane looking through the SkyMall magazine and come across a quote that hit home so closely, I was nearly dumb-founded. SkyMall? Seriously? Of all places to come across something insightful, that was one of the last places I would've expected it. I guess part of the insight is realizing that things aren't always where you're looking. They're just where they are when they need to be.
The quote was this; "She wasn't where she had been. She wasn't where she was going...but she was on her way." It applied to me in more ways than one right now. Picture me sitting on an airplane with five hours of flight time ahead of me, meanwhile stewing inside over some personal drama that had unraveled the night before. I was a mess. I was filled with anger, anxiety and sadness. I was dreading the confines of the airplane knowing that I couldn't do anything to truly distract myself from the thoughts running through my mind. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. All of the supportive and loving things my friends had been saying were valued, but I was pretty much inconsolable. Then....I read this quote. The timing and location couldn't have been more perfect. It applies to not only my physical travel on this current day, but on a deeper level where I am in life right now.
I was happy to find that this quote is actually extended. In full;
"She wasn't where she had been. She wasn't where she was going…but she was on her way. And on her way she enjoyed food that wasn't fast, friendships that held, hearts glowing, hearts breaking, smiles that caught tears, paths trudged and alleys skipped. And on her way she no longer looked for the answers, but held close the two things she knew for sure. One, if a day carried strength in the morning, peace in the evening, and a little joy in between, it was a good one…and two, you can live completely without complete understanding." ~ Jodi Hills
The final phrase of this quote is really profound for me. I am in a constant quest to make sense of things, and while I think that thirst is still admirable and healthy, it is a good reminder to realize we can live a complete and full life without fully understanding.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
Life Is A Balancing Act
Wow...it's hard to believe it's been over a year since I wrote last. Not sure why. Also not sure why I feel inclinded to do so now. Perhaps simply as an outlet for myself to process some grief and pain I am currently experiencing. I received a card in the mail recently that read "Life Is a Balancing Act". Seems simple and obvious enough, but I infact lost balance. I lost myelf. Althought it seems bad now, maybe this is a good thing. Maybe this is progress. Maybe this is learning and evolving.
It is a really hard pill to swallow that the one person you think about most seems to be better off without you. How do you swallow your ego, pride or whatever you want to call it and accept reality, and move on? Why is it easier for some people to do the right thing (regardless of how painful), and simply walk away? There is the part of me that is embarrased. I opened up my feelings and emotions, and my insecurity left me feeling vulnerable.
I've been experiencing a lot of new feelings. Thinking about life and relationships from new perspectives. I often feel too old to be experiencing these things at this phase in my life. I suppose it's better late than never.
For the first time in my life, I feel inconsolable. In my past, I always turned to food for comfort. Happy or sad...I ate. I never understood the people that said they were so upset they couldn't eat. Couldn't comprehend this, until now. For nearly a month, food has lost it's appeal. Occasionally, I get hungry. I eat a little, usually, with no enjoyement. I feel sick after. This has been the drill for weeks now and it is extremely unnerving. Shopping has no appeal either. Working out which used to give me such a surge of energy and positive reinforcement also has no appeal. I'm wallowing. There is no other way to describe it. I generally have little tolearnce for people and their self pity. Get over I would always think, but never say aloud. I'm pretty sure that several of my friends are telling me this in a polite way.
So, here I am finding myself trying to return to some sense of normalcy, whatever that is. The act of writing this out is somewhat theraputic and extremely eye opening. Hopefully, I can make an effort to be more diligent about it.
It is a really hard pill to swallow that the one person you think about most seems to be better off without you. How do you swallow your ego, pride or whatever you want to call it and accept reality, and move on? Why is it easier for some people to do the right thing (regardless of how painful), and simply walk away? There is the part of me that is embarrased. I opened up my feelings and emotions, and my insecurity left me feeling vulnerable.
I've been experiencing a lot of new feelings. Thinking about life and relationships from new perspectives. I often feel too old to be experiencing these things at this phase in my life. I suppose it's better late than never.
For the first time in my life, I feel inconsolable. In my past, I always turned to food for comfort. Happy or sad...I ate. I never understood the people that said they were so upset they couldn't eat. Couldn't comprehend this, until now. For nearly a month, food has lost it's appeal. Occasionally, I get hungry. I eat a little, usually, with no enjoyement. I feel sick after. This has been the drill for weeks now and it is extremely unnerving. Shopping has no appeal either. Working out which used to give me such a surge of energy and positive reinforcement also has no appeal. I'm wallowing. There is no other way to describe it. I generally have little tolearnce for people and their self pity. Get over I would always think, but never say aloud. I'm pretty sure that several of my friends are telling me this in a polite way.
So, here I am finding myself trying to return to some sense of normalcy, whatever that is. The act of writing this out is somewhat theraputic and extremely eye opening. Hopefully, I can make an effort to be more diligent about it.
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