Springing into action...

I realized recently I haven't posted once this year. Not that I have many readers (if any) but I should probably be blogging for my own benefit. To catch up....this year didn't get off to a very good start. Dealing with some personal struggles and an increasing health issue in the family. Things seem stable for the time being which has allowed me to focus on what I've let go for the past few months...me.

I've uncovered some new music lately which makes me happy in my own little way. I'm newly in love with Kate Earl. If you haven't checked her out yet you should.

I've been experiencing some struggles in more than one area of my life; relationships, finances, work and fitness have all been punching me in the face. Of course not literally. I think I've been ignoring things for too long and now they're all stuck in the forefront of my mind. A friend advised I pick one and focus on it. It's generally too overwhelming to work on more than one. The way I see this phase is almost as punishment. Perhaps I've been pocketing these issues for too long and now I just have to suffer through them for a while. I'm trying to find a more positive approach to tackling these challenges. I have open ears for any words of wisdom.

In the mean time...Spring is here and the nice weather (on occasion) promises new things to come.

Winding down the year

Well, last weekend I accomplished one of my goals for the year. I ran my second 5K this year. Clearly, I can finish them. Now...I suppose I should challenge myself to improve my time on the next one. I was happy to finish in 38 minutes. For me, it's more important to just continue jogging and not have to stop to walk. I even braved the cold for this one and I still finished so I guess aside from wet conditions I can't really have many more excuses.

Even though I finished the two runs this year. I'm still up 30lbs from my lowest weight. This is a huge disappointment considering how hard I worked to get my weight down. I can make excuses for why I gained the weight back or why I haven't lost it yet, but it's ultimately my own doing. It's time to do something about it.

Some of my earlier blogs talked about things around the house, debt consolidation (evil credit cards) and relationships with guys. All of the above are still issues but what I'm realizing is that they always will be. These are just the facts of life and I've been letting them win. It's time for me to start taking control of the situations rather than them controlling me. I watched one of my favorite movies last night. There is a revelation that I love and can relate to. It's something like..."I should be the leading lady of my own life...". So true...so true. This year has been a period of chaos and confusion for me. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. Just because I don't realize what I've gained from it right now doesn't mean that I won't eventually. I need to just keep plugging along.

It seems the purpose of this blog is to organize my thoughts and kick it back to me. This doesn't really benefit anyone else, or readers. Simply myself. Maybe someday this will lead to the benefit of others.

For now...I'm looking forward to the upcoming Holidays. I have a cookie exchange coming up with some of my closest girlfriends. I can't wait to have everyone at my house. I've decided I'm going to make an effort to welcome people into my home more frequently. I attended an event a week ago and I heard a lady give a testimonial about her grandmother. She remembered her grandmother as being "a friend to everyone". I want to work to be remembered FONDLY. I know I can often get wrapped up in my own selfish ways so this will be a healthy project for self fulfillment and development.

Death by running...

I know I'm not likely to die from running but if I feel this bad during a run I can't imagine how much worse it could be. I don't understand how people run marathons and do triathlons. It just seems completely crazy to me. I'm trying to get ready to run another 5K. I've done them before so it's just a matter of pushing myself to finish. I'm going to "run" or as I prefer a light jog the Jingle Bell Run in December. Yesterday I was jogging at Schiller Park and was trying to finish two miles. I just couldn't, consecutively. I can do a mile rest and then do another mile. I can't stand that feeling of not being able to breath. I know it's mostly mental and I just need to slow down and focus on it but I get to a point where everything hurts. My feet, knees, elbows, chest and head. You should see my face. I'm not sure you're supposed to turn that red, but I do. Anyway...I've done it before and I know I can do it again. I like the feeling of accomplishment at the end, but no matter how much I do this I'm not sure I'll ever get the point where I enjoy running or find the escape in it. I just don't think I'm built for it. Oh well....three more weeks to go.

The happenings...

So...what's been going on in my world? Nothing super exciting. Unfortunately, I'm starting a 2nd job tonight which kind of stinks. My laptop crashed over the weekend so I've been dealing with getting that resolved. There just seem to be a ton of lose ends right now and that drives me crazy more than anything else. I anticipate things only getting more difficult as the holidays are approaching. Oh well, somehow we always find a way to get through it.

Is it completely pathetic that I'm counting the days until New Moon comes out. It starts next Friday and I can't wait.

I'm signing up to run another 5K. It'll be the second one this year. I desperately need to lose some of the pounds I put back on and hopefully this will be good motivation for me.

It seems like everyone around me is going through a really hard time. Is this the way adult life is going to be? If so, it sucks. I sincerely hope things improve for not only myself but my friends and family as well.

Fat people at the gym...

Where are they? I mean c'mon. I was at the gym last night sweating and panting away when I looked around and realized I was completely surrounded by (too) skinny & buff people. I know they're there because they care about their bodies and need to maintain. Where are all of the people like me that are big and working out. Those are the peeps I need to surround myself with.

Quiet lately...

Well, I'm thinking it's a bad sign that I've been told by two male friends recently that I seem "weird" or a little "out of sorts lately". I thought guys didn't talk about that stuff. I don't mean to stereotype but it seems odd to me. To be honest...I have been a little out of sorts lately. Of all the friends to notice, let alone say something I was shocked by two guys. It took me off guard a little and made me realize I may need to get myself in check. Time to snap out of it I guess.

I feel like I've been on a kiddie roller coaster lately. Not the normal female moodiness or highs and lows, but just...... mellow. I've been struggling with some work issues lately which ultimately lead to financial stress. Also, I've been trying to figure out some relationships with people.

I've been spending A LOT of time lately thinking about relocating. Why? I think it would be a great opportunity and learning experience to move someplace different. Throw myself into a new community and culture. I don't have any major responsibilities or obligations keeping me here. However, I would really miss my mom and my friends. I like having a home. I don't know. I thought I had it all figured out and now I feel more confused than ever. How can one person want two things that seem so completely opposite?

I haven't written much lately, because I don't know what to write. That...plus I haven't really had anything super exciting to write about. Maybe I should start blogging more. Maybe it will help bring some clarity. I don't know...that seems like a pretty high expectation.

A hike to clear the mind

Clear the mind? Maybe. I took a couple long walks this weekend, four miles yesterday and five today. I decided today that life is too short to be this stressed out all the time. I think a serious does of decluttering and simplifying is in order. I'll try to touch base on this in a week or so to share the progress.