Death by running...

I know I'm not likely to die from running but if I feel this bad during a run I can't imagine how much worse it could be. I don't understand how people run marathons and do triathlons. It just seems completely crazy to me. I'm trying to get ready to run another 5K. I've done them before so it's just a matter of pushing myself to finish. I'm going to "run" or as I prefer a light jog the Jingle Bell Run in December. Yesterday I was jogging at Schiller Park and was trying to finish two miles. I just couldn't, consecutively. I can do a mile rest and then do another mile. I can't stand that feeling of not being able to breath. I know it's mostly mental and I just need to slow down and focus on it but I get to a point where everything hurts. My feet, knees, elbows, chest and head. You should see my face. I'm not sure you're supposed to turn that red, but I do. Anyway...I've done it before and I know I can do it again. I like the feeling of accomplishment at the end, but no matter how much I do this I'm not sure I'll ever get the point where I enjoy running or find the escape in it. I just don't think I'm built for it. Oh well....three more weeks to go.

The happenings...

So...what's been going on in my world? Nothing super exciting. Unfortunately, I'm starting a 2nd job tonight which kind of stinks. My laptop crashed over the weekend so I've been dealing with getting that resolved. There just seem to be a ton of lose ends right now and that drives me crazy more than anything else. I anticipate things only getting more difficult as the holidays are approaching. Oh well, somehow we always find a way to get through it.

Is it completely pathetic that I'm counting the days until New Moon comes out. It starts next Friday and I can't wait.

I'm signing up to run another 5K. It'll be the second one this year. I desperately need to lose some of the pounds I put back on and hopefully this will be good motivation for me.

It seems like everyone around me is going through a really hard time. Is this the way adult life is going to be? If so, it sucks. I sincerely hope things improve for not only myself but my friends and family as well.

Fat people at the gym...

Where are they? I mean c'mon. I was at the gym last night sweating and panting away when I looked around and realized I was completely surrounded by (too) skinny & buff people. I know they're there because they care about their bodies and need to maintain. Where are all of the people like me that are big and working out. Those are the peeps I need to surround myself with.

Quiet lately...

Well, I'm thinking it's a bad sign that I've been told by two male friends recently that I seem "weird" or a little "out of sorts lately". I thought guys didn't talk about that stuff. I don't mean to stereotype but it seems odd to me. To be honest...I have been a little out of sorts lately. Of all the friends to notice, let alone say something I was shocked by two guys. It took me off guard a little and made me realize I may need to get myself in check. Time to snap out of it I guess.

I feel like I've been on a kiddie roller coaster lately. Not the normal female moodiness or highs and lows, but just...... mellow. I've been struggling with some work issues lately which ultimately lead to financial stress. Also, I've been trying to figure out some relationships with people.

I've been spending A LOT of time lately thinking about relocating. Why? I think it would be a great opportunity and learning experience to move someplace different. Throw myself into a new community and culture. I don't have any major responsibilities or obligations keeping me here. However, I would really miss my mom and my friends. I like having a home. I don't know. I thought I had it all figured out and now I feel more confused than ever. How can one person want two things that seem so completely opposite?

I haven't written much lately, because I don't know what to write. That...plus I haven't really had anything super exciting to write about. Maybe I should start blogging more. Maybe it will help bring some clarity. I don't know...that seems like a pretty high expectation.

A hike to clear the mind

Clear the mind? Maybe. I took a couple long walks this weekend, four miles yesterday and five today. I decided today that life is too short to be this stressed out all the time. I think a serious does of decluttering and simplifying is in order. I'll try to touch base on this in a week or so to share the progress.

Crossroads

A friend recently told me that I'm at a crossroads. This struck me by surprise. News to me. I am? What does that mean? Is this the same as a fork in the road? If so, what are my choices? I guess I've felt stuck in a rut for a while now.

When I was younger I had a pretty good support group. People were always encouraging me to keep going whether it involved music, school, weight loss, or relationships. I suddenly feel a little lost now when the responsibility has fallen on me. I have to motivate myself, geez! It's a lot easier to motivate someone else. ha!I miss being in school. If it weren't for the enormous amount of existing school debt I'd be in the classroom again. I guess I just need to find opportunities that provide the same level of challenge.

Last night I had a glimpse into what I've been missing. I attended a grant reading workshop for a local foundation supporting social change in our community. I was in awe listening to one of the women talk. The intelligence was just oozing out of her. I found myself wishing for a fraction of the enthusiasm and passion she possessed for her work. I wonder...have I just not found the right thing to be passionate about, or do I lack that level of intensity?

Peacock feathers...galore!

I've always loved arranging flowers. Last year, a friend asked me to do the flowers for her wedding and then more recently for her daughters wedding. I'm really hoping to start obtaining more projects professionally. I did both of these as a gift and for the experience, but I think it's time to start developing.

When given the challenge to work with the wedding colors Navy & Tiffany blue...I thought...uh...good luck. Plus, the calla lily was her favorite flower so she wanted to incorporate that. Not only this, but she wanted to use silk flowers. This had it's pros and cons. When trying to think of a way to make this work, I thought of something personal that I love. Peacock feathers! I love the colors and the design. Luckily the bride loved the idea and it took off from there.




I was very pleased with how everything turned out and am ready for the next project (paid, I hope). If you know anyone interested in floral arrangements, refer them to me. I'm also excited about digging into some baking projects. People should use me and take advantage of my learning curve discount ;)