Community

I'm currently reading the book Community, The Structure of Belonging by Peter Block. I've just begun, so I'm still in the first chapter. This book spoke to me because I've been trying to find more meaning behind the activities and/or causes I've chosen to contribute my time.

I've always been the type of person to get involved, mostly through volunteer work. Have I really contributed to society? Am I doing my part? Am I doing the right things, and am I doing enough? These are the beginning questions I'm asking myself as I dive into this book.

One of my biggest weaknesses is networking. I hate it and I'm pretty sure I'll never be that person that can walk into a room and immediately start a conversation with whomever I come into contact. I'm more of the quiet observer type. I'm trying to conceive my contribution to a community. As a board member for a local professional music organization, we were looking to obtain a new web designer. We collected RFPs from various designers. A close, personal friend who is working to build her own web design business came to mind. I mentioned it to her, she submitted her quote. The board ended up selecting her based on my personal reference, her competitive quote and expertise in spite of the previous and competitive relationships with other designers. This new relationship or partnership is a win win for the organization, the designer and the immediate community. The non profit organization is benefiting from a less expensive cost. The designer benefits by having additional work and experience as well as the much needed revenue. Overall, the community benefits by keep the dollars local and personal.

I hope to take from this book a little guidance on how I can make a micro impact on my community. I may not be able to do anything to change the world, but if I can change the world of those around me then I will be fulfilled. My personal experience may not be exactly what the book is referencing, but it's a start. I'm anxious to see how my thoughts and experiences may develop throughout reading the book.

If anyone is reading this post, please feel free to share your thoughts and maybe any contributions you've made to your community. Thank you!

Credit cards are evil!

So, I'm at a point again where I need to find a 2nd job. Something to supplement some additional income. When I was putting myself through college I never dreamed I'd be thirty and still struggling. It's tough when my friends and peers are living more comfortably at this stage than I am. Some have nice houses or condos, one just bought a Mercedes. Really? I'm driving the same Jeep I've had for almost eight years and it's literally starting to fall apart. I know these are the cards I've been dealt and some days I'm better playing them than others. Lately, I've just been wondering...is it really sad that I'm at this state? Should I have not accomplished more and be more secure at this point in my life. Clearly I haven't made all the right choices or I wouldn't be in this position. I guess that challenge is to remedy the situation now and in the future.

Today I was online calculating some payment plans for credit card debt reduction. It is thoroughly depressing. How did I ever get myself into this situation. Well, I have a whole house full of crap to show for it. Somehow, it doesn't quite add up though. I mean if I were to sell everything now, I don't think it would pay off the full balance. How sad.

I don't know. Maybe it's still acceptable to be at this stage of my life. I guess I need to ask when it's no longer acceptable. How much more time do I have to repair this? When does it become truly sad?

My grandma always tells me the story about how she never really became "something" until she was in her 50's. She was deprived her whole life. I believe she was 53 when she learned to drive and started her own business. This gives me comfort that maybe there's still time for me to turn things around. If I develop the right drive and become half as successful as my grandmother achieved I'll be doing alright.

Maybe the fact that I'm having these thoughts now is a sign I'm on the right track. I think that's enough to help me get to sleep tonight. Good night!

Home messy home

Being a single lady and a home owner is hard work. I mean it's totally doable, but not always the idealistic image you see portrayed in magazines. The typical photos include her in a casual but stylish outfit usually a sundress or some jeans and nice cashmere sweater. She's lounging in her nice clean home which is perfectly lit by the natural sunshine, there are always fresh flowers in the room. Of course she has time to sit there and read a book, her house is perfect. Whateve! How is that possible?

If I'm home there's hardly ever time for lounging. I feel guilty. There's always cleaning or yard work, cooking or laundry to do. Not to mention taking care of the dog that is always strategically placed in those photos. There's so much to do it's completely overwhelming at times. Don't even get me started on the big projects. The things that pretty much require some dude to come in over charge me to fix things. *Sigh*

Knock on wood...I'm lucky that I don't typically get unexpected guests. Perhaps that because I live in the ghetto. ha ha! Oh well.

I think the solution here is that I need to start eliminating as much stress as possible. I need to reduce the amount of clutter in my home. A yard sale is in my near future. How successful will that be...who knows? It's a start. If I want to literally obtain the freedom I can almost taste I'm going to have to start letting go of some things, physically and figuratively. House cleaning is only the beginning.

Should I Write a Book?

Tonight I was chatting with a friend and she told me I should write a book about all of the guy drama in my life. I find it interesting that my friends are always so eager to hear what's going on because frankly I think most of it is sad. I'd prefer to just escape the reality but I must have a way of spinning it for humor sake.

Clearly, I'm not going to write a book. I'm a horrible writer which is why I'm hiding my thoughts away in this little blog. So....this seems like a good place to share some the guy drama my friends are finding so entertaining. Obviously, I'll use nicknames in this case.

Roughrider is a guy I met a little over a year ago. This was the first time I ever met someone and actually felt that little spark. Silly, yes I know. None the less, it was there. I connected with him on a level I really didn't think was possible, only to find out he's connecting with multiple women on a similar level. ha! After a few months back and forth...talking, not talking, talking we actually started to form a pretty good friendship. Fast forward to this week, he's been dating this one girl since Thanksgiving. I think she's a little dose of crazy wrapped up in a sweet little package. Although he seem hesitant about where they're going, he continues to move the relationship along. They're moving in together this month. That was tough to swallow. After a recent event my exposure to her was maxed out. I fear this may have created enough problem to put the necessary distance between one of my newest, closest friends.

Weiner is a recent addition. We met a couple months ago through a mutual friend. Basically, he just doesn't want to be alone and has taken to me. Although I know he would probably do anything for me, take me anywhere or buy me anything if I really asked.....there's just no connection. For some people this may be enough. I know it's tempting but...

Butcher is a coworker. The one dude I was definitely intrigued with initially. Over the course of my time there I've learned he has quite a history among the women in the company, and even more out. I believe he recently hit rock bottom and unsure if he had much support elsewhere I stepped up. He's incredibly polite and intelligent beyond my understanding. His quirks which are somewhat a turnoff are somehow endearing. The dilemma...he's a coworker. In a small environment it just spells disaster. Plus, he needs time to deal with the series of events he's recently encountered. In the meantime, we enjoy a few fancy drinks.

For the better part of my adult life I've wanted desperately to be in a relationship. I do envy my married friends. To be honest....the dating thing sucks. I'd prefer to just skip that and go straight into the steady comfortable relationship. It looks like I'll just remain single, and free for now!

What do I want to be when I grow up?

I ask myself this almost everyday. A politician, an interior decorator, VP of a company, floral arranger, event planner, dog walker.....all thoughts that have entered my mind at one point in time. I seem to have so many interest and yet never really hone in on one specific thing.

Today I went with my mother to see the movie Julie & Julia. It was surprisingly funny. It ran a bit long and I was slightly disappointed with the reality of the ending, but it was definitely an encouraging story. I found it ironic that I recently began blogging and the basis of Julies story was her blogging journey. It's warming to see and hear other stories of people in which you can relate. I don't have a particular focus for my blog, yet maybe this will help lead to the bigger picture; the focus in my life. I did take one idea away from the movie. I'm not going to do something quite as extreme although I do feel it would be a good challenge for me to experiment with some new recipes; cooking or baking. Maybe I could begin working on a goal of one a week. Even now, that seems a bit optimistic. Perhaps I should concentrate on healthy options.

The point is, I need to celebrate the freedom I have to do whatever I want. I can cook, or not. I can travel, garden, dance, paint...whatever I choose. It's possible this amount of freedom is what's preventing me from establishing a specific goal. I may be a grown up, but I"m still at liberty to keep playing.

The trail

There is a trail I like to walk. It runs right along a river which I find so peaceful and relaxing. There is something about being near water that has always helped me find a connection to my thoughts. This picture is my favorite spot on the trail. It's just starting to go down a small hill. The wooden fence and mix of brush and trees surrounds you as you approach the old rail road. There's something about the way the sun shines on this spot. You can hear the river flowing and there is usually something fragrant in bloom. It's just the perfect spot to stop and take notice, relax and enjoy.

Why not...

I thought I'd give this a try and see where it takes me. I've been contemplating blogging for years. I hope to use this as an opportunity to express how I see things. We shall see..