It's been a while...

Some people have noticed that I've been pretty quiet lately. Not only on this blog, but on Facebook and Twitter as well. It probably rings true in my everyday communications as well. I've probably talked, text and emailed less in the past month. Why? There are several reasons and I'm going to hide my reasoning behind "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." That pretty much sums it up from all angles.

That being said, today is a new day. I can't believe the month of June is half over already. This year is half over already and that is nuts for me to think about. The first half of this year has been rough as you know, if you've been following along. I'm hoping that the second half is going to be better. I'm writing today with a tad bit more relief than I've had in the past seven months. I accepted a job offer today, so a new venture is about to begin. It is not the path in which I was hoping these months would lead me, but I also know that nothing is permanent, and everything is temporary. So...I'm going to make the best of this new situation and work on picking myself back up. Where it may lead me...no one knows. (insert background music...I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For) ;)

I'm still working on understanding a lot of what has happened in the past seven months. I certainly can't rationalize everything, but I do believe things happen for a reason. My goal is to learn from them and become a better version of me.

"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened." -Cora Harvey Armstrong

I've learned a lot about who is in my corner and I appreciate the friends and family that have stood by me during this difficult time. I hope that I am able to pay it forward.

"All colors are the friends of their neighbors and the lovers of their opposites." -Marc Chagall

New list

Since I've been working to accomplish the many things on my 32x32 list, other items started popping up. Here is the introduction to my new list. It isn't final and I'm not sure that this one will be limited to a time frame.

1. Let someone else select/order my meal or food for me.
2. Complete any undone 32 X 32 items
3. Stay at a Bed & Breakfast
4. Skeet Shooting
5. Play the tables in casino
6. Scuba dive
7. Go red
8. Donate hair to Locks of Love or like charity

To be continued...naturally.

Pride & Joy - Brandi Carlile

Time of day i can't recall
The kind of thing that takes it's toll
Over years and over time
Over smiles and over wine
All in all it wasn't bad
All in all it wasn't good
But i still care
That's the problem with the days
They're never long enough to say
What it is you never said
All the books you never read
I throw myself into the wind
Hoping somebody will pick me up
And carry me again

Where are you now
Do you let me down
Do you make me grieve for you
Do i make you proud
Do you get me now
Am i your pride and joy
I believe this to be true
Nothing sacred nothing new
No one tells you when its time
There are no warnings only signs
And you know that you're alone
You're not a child anymore
But you're still scared
All your mountains turn to rocks
All your oceans turn to drops
They are nothing like you thought
Can't be something you are not
Life is not a looking glass
Don't get tangled in your past
Like i am learning not to

Where are you now
Do you let me down
Do you make me grieve for you
Do i make you proud
Do you get me now
Am i your pride joy

May is usually my month

Good things have generally happened to me in the month of May. Typically, I look forward to May because of my birthday, which usually brings travel plans. More than once it has been a transitional month for new career opportunities for me. Hoping more than ever that this holds true. This is the first year I can remember not being excited about the month of May. I am trying to remain positive and optimistic. Sometimes easier said than done.

I try to remind myself that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I have faith that there is some truth to this. However, that doesn't promise things will turn out as well as we hope. I have no intention of being Debby Downer, but being realistic is critical. I've drafted this post more than once and each time is slightly more positive. You certainly don't want to spend your time reading something negative. I know I wouldn't want to. So...moving right along.

Regarding updates on 32x32, I am sad to report that it's not going to be completed in time. It's certainly not for lack of effort. Lack of time, financial resources and even appropriate weather are all contributing factors. However, I will finish it. Maybe not in the next 10 days before my birthday. It could be this month, or maybe even this year, but I am confident that I will complete all of the items. In fact...I've already begun working on a new list. I will release it and begin once 32x32 is complete.

I've already shared this story with a few people, but for those who don't know I finally took the Spin class last week. Seriously the most agonizing 45 minutes I can recall. Spinning is a terrifically horrendous way to work out. I can't for the life of me figure out why so many people enjoy it. The hard part isn't the "work out" or exhaustion. Honestly I've had a better workout on the elliptical. I'm convinced that bike seat was sent from an evil place. How can anyone be comfortable on that thing. Seriously, c'mon!?! NEVER AGAIN! I have absolutely no desire to try it again. The instructor took the time to get me properly fitted and asked me after class how I did. When I told her I wouldn't be returning, I think she took it kind of personally. Maybe if they invent seats that don't leave me unable to sit or walk normally for two days, then I'll reconsider. P.S. It's okay to laugh at this story. ;)

Spinning right along...I completed another item on my list tonight. I attended the SNAP! Performance Production tonight at The Lincoln Theater. The venue was nice. Not quite what I expected, but nice. The show was very entertaining. I was pleasantly surprised.

Hmmm....wonder what the next challenge to be completed will be? May is shaping up to be a busy month.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Happy Easter

I can't believe that April is winding down already. I only have a couple weeks left and an overwhelming number of items on my list left to complete.

I spent most of my Easter weekend baking desserts for other people's Easter gatherings. Hopefully, everyone was happy with their treats. I also walked 7.5 miles yesterday in preparation for the full 13.25 mile walk along the Olentangy trail. I'm pretty sure I need some new kicks because I have shin splints today. Assuming we have some decent weather in the next couple weeks, I'm confident I'll be able to finish. Between the walking and the baking all weekend, I was barely able to function during our family gathering for Easter lunch today. Oh...and an overdose of sugar from the cupcakes may be contributing to my coma-like state. Hehe.

Tickets have been purchased for #10, attend an event at The Lincoln Theater. I'm going to see The Manilla Envelope on May 5th, and really looking forward to it.

Today, I planted my herb seeds. Hopefully, we'll see some results soon. I thought about posting a picture but...how exciting is a picture of dirt. Not very.

Anybody up for paintball next Sunday, May 1st?

Buffalo...and beyond

If you've been following the progress of my list you know that exploring a new city was one of the items. I'm happy to say, done and done. I've spent the past couple days in Buffalo, NY. You may be asking...why Buffalo? Well, I needed a place that was within driving distance that we hadn't been to previously and that was still an affordable destination. It seemed a little silly that I've been up this way so many times previously going to Niagara Falls but have never spent any time in Buffalo. I'm glad that I've seen it but I'm not sure that there is anything here that would really draw me back in for a repeat visit.

A trip to Buffalo wouldn't be complete without a visit to the Anchor Bar, home of the original buffalo wings. I'm not a huge fan of wings myself but seeing as we were here I felt I should partake in at least tasting one. Nothing too crazy either, mild for me thank you. It was good. Not sure how much my opinion is worth, coming from someone who typically doesn't eat chicken off a bone. The experience was great. We were surrounded in a room with about 30 HOGS aka bikers. They were so loud and obnoxious. Honestly, it was fantastic. There were about three different groups, they were from Boston, Connecticut and Michigan. Atmosphere complete with a guy singing live Sinatra songs. I, of course, started the festivities with a nice shot of Patron. Mmmm.

Buffalo has a ton of old, historical churches. I mean, really...how does one city support so many churches. They are beautiful. Some actually really amazing. It's just shocking to see another one every few blocks. I rarely visit a city without taking in the museum. We went to the Albright-Knox Art Gallery. I must say...I was a little disappointed. The facility was nice, but the collection was mediocre. We also went to see Frank Lloyd Wright's Martin House. It was very Frank Lloyd Wright. Not sure what else to say. It's neat to see it in person but nothing really shocking about it. I suppose it's fitting that the house is here. Buffalo is full of huge, historical homes. I don't recall seeing one new housing or condo development. There also aren't a lot of chains in the city either. The city seems to take pride in running on local establishments.

The highlight of my trip (and another item on my list) was riding in a helicopter. It was a short ride, probably about 10 minutes, but oh so worth it. We drove up to Niagara Falls so the flight was overlooking the falls. I've been to the Falls several times before but seeing it from the sky was really cool. Aside from a quick pit stop in the casino, we didn't spend much time in Niagara Falls. Been there, done that. We headed up a little further into Canada to Niagara on the Lake. If you haven't been here before I highly recommend it. It's beautiful and definitely worth the drive. Crisp and clean air. The restaurants and shops are quaint and there's a nice mix of English and French speaking residents. A great view of Fort Niagara is just over the lake. The town is small so it doesn't require much time as a destination but it's a nice addition if you're up that way already.

Aside from being really sick the whole time, the trip was a great get-a-way. I was slightly disappointed with the bakeries in the area. I had high hopes, but felt that almost everything I tasted didn't live up to the expectation. Not to brag, but....I think a lot of my baking beats what people out there are selling. More motivation to move forward!

The Challenge: Finishing the list in time

I have approximately 6 weeks to finish 20 of the items on my list. I've successfully completed 12. Seems like more. There are some that are in the works but not yet complete. Unfortunately, I'm thinking it's a sure bet that #7 isn't going to happen. If it doesn't, consider it a revised goal to be completed by the end of the year.

I finally finished I Was Told There'd Be Cake, by Sloane Crosely. There were definitely some laugh out loud moments. I'm not sure the book is geared towards the male audience. Females, if you're looking for a light read this summer while at the pool or beach this would be a good one.

I played the lottery. I didn't win. Obviously. Boo! I'd like my $5 back, please.

Any vegans out there....I could use some help planning for my day of animal product deprivation. Suggestions? Would it be inappropriate for us to meet at Dirty Franks while brainstorming this topic? Hmmm...

As for the blind date...I need your help with that too. I can't very well set up my own. (Bob & Brandi, this was partially your idea so I'm holding you accountable.)

Does anyone in Cbus have connections in the news/media industry that could get me up in a chopper? Surely those traffic reporters would like some company.

P.S. Whoever invented the push-up needs a good slap in the face. #justsayin

Relationships

This weekend, I've had more than one conversation about relationships. In fact....it almost seemed to be a theme for the weekend. I won't go into details but I came across this quote tonight which seemed a little ironic.

"Never reject anybody in your life, because good people give us happiness & bad people give us experience. Both are essential in life."

I may need to work on closure and separation in a few relationships but this quote reminded me why I endure some of the things I do.

(I just like the song and video. This seemed like an appropriate post for it.)

Competitiveness...

Competitiveness is a dirty word. Why is being competitive considered by most people to be a strength and a positive characteristic? I'm well aware that this is not a recent development, trait or trend. I'm assuming it's safe to claim the competitive trait has been around for centuries. Honestly, I kind of see it as a turn off. When someone describes them-self with the word competitive, I immediately roll my eyes. There, I said it.

Over the past few months of aggressive employment seeking I've acquired such a distaste for the term. Why is striving to be better than another person encouraged and rewarded in this society? If we're competing against anything or anyone...shouldn't it be ourselves? I am constantly working to become a better version of myself. I'm not motivated by trying to out-perform a friend or co-worker. I think it's unhealthy the way some people thrive on it. If they're not the best, then they're not happy.

I would like to see leadership emphasize the importance of becoming a better version of the existing person and/or business. I have a strong distaste for competitive advertising. Political campaigns and advertisements are the worst. Don't tell me why you're better than someone else. They can turn it right back around on you. Tell me why you're good and if you're not so good at something, tell me what you're doing to improve.

I think I have successfully surrounded myself with friends who possess a strong desire for ambition and success, but not competition. Do what you do and do it well! The motivating factor should never be to simply be better than someone else. You're always going to be better than someone and someone will ALWAYS be better than you at something. Don't waste time and energy worrying about the success and failure of others. Dedicate the resources to within.

The List Update

Insert big *sigh* here. Sheesh...I feel like I should have a lot more items scratched off my list by now. It seems like time is escaping me. I have two months from today to finish the remaining items on my list.

This weekend was productive. Take a dance class, check. I took a hip hop dance class at my gym on Saturday. I'm a gal with little to no rhythm so any kind of dance class is daunting to me, let alone hip hop. The number of nights I've spent in dance clubs could probably be counted on one hand. The class was packed and at the end of an hour the floor was slippery with sweat and the mirrors were steamed up. Nice. Sounds gross...yes. Can't wait to do it again. It was hilarious watching others and knowing how ridiculous I look myself. It was also a great workout!

Moving right along....go ice skating was also completed this weekend. I took my lil' sis and a couple friends joined as well. I am happy to report that it was fall free. Lost my balance often, but zero falls. Let's be real, I didn't get too crazy on the ice. I was a little over cautious to prevent injury but at least I let go of the wall which is more than I can say for some of the people there. Honestly, if it hadn't been so crowded I probably would've spent a little more time trying to improve my skills. Do I want to do it again? Um...honestly...it's not something I would set out to do. If the occasion arises I wouldn't intentionally avoid it. I'm relieved that I've tried it and am over the initial fear of putting on ice skates, walking on them, and getting on the ice. I'm proud of my lil'. It was her first time as well and I know she was nervous but she tried it and that's all I can ask for at this point.

Some people refer to this sort of project as a "bucket list". The list of 32 X 32 is certainly not my bucket list, but rather a small chunk of it. There are items on a grander scale that would be considered bucket list worthy. If you were creating a similar list for yourself, what are some of the items that would be on your list?

Reality Check

Tonight I came home, logged into my email and saw a photo of me taken earlier today. What a rude awakening! In 2006 I started losing weight and was pretty successful for about two to three years. I never reached my ultimate weight loss goal of 100 lbs, but I came pretty close. Unfortunately, over the past year the some weight has crept back on. I haven't gained it all back but definitely more than is acceptable. Damn creepers.

I've been pretty consistent with my workouts but I've clearly lost focus on eating healthy. Eating right has always been a struggle for me. The recent series of events in my life certainly haven't helped. Emotional eating is and has always been an issue for me. I see some people with so much discipline and focus. It is truly admirable. If I had just a fraction of that, it would make such a difference.

Thinking about what I'm writing (and knowing friends may read it) is embarrassing. If you know me then you may know the success I've seen and the struggles I've experienced as well. I'm well aware that I'm not alone in this world when it comes to weight issues so why do I keep hiding behind it. My hope by throwing this out in the blogging universe is to recognize reality, stop hiding, accept it and get back on track. Everyone can clearly see how I look physically and it reflects on the inside as well. If you read other posts you'll see that I'm staying committed to being physically active but feel free to test or quiz me on my nutrition. Also...if you have tips on eating healthy and/or how to avoid emotional/stress eating please share. I know I would appreciate them and I'm sure others may benefit as well.

March'in along

It's been about two weeks since my last 32X32 update. As March is rolling in I have approximately 10 weeks to wrap up the remaining items on my list. I am seeing progress which is exciting. Coincidence that the sun is shining on March 1st? I think not. Good riddance February!

Perhaps the biggest news relates to #2, obtain a paid marketing position/role. I was totally stoked to receive an offer for a SoMe (social media) internship with a reputable light and sound production company. It's not a permanent solution to the problems mentioned in the Heavy post, but it is definitely a step in the right direction. I believe it is going to be a great opportunity and I am anxious to get started.

Bake a pie from scratch, #8 ? Check. This was an interesting experience because I'm learning a lot as I'm trying to start a baking business. After my initial attempt...I'm not sure pie making is an area I would want to specialize in. I would like to keep practicing in the event a client requests a special pie but I didn't particularly enjoy it. Perhaps it's because I don't really like pie. Half of the thrill in baking, for me, is knowing how delicious it will taste when it's done. Pie just doesn't hold that anticipation for me. That aside, a coconut cream pie was made, tasted and served. Done and done.




Push ups. Ugh! While #13, do a set of 50 push ups is not yet complete; I did start a program suggested by a friend. Hundredpushups.com I've finished week one and if I stay on schedule I should be able to complete my goal of 50 push ups by May. If you have a similar goal and hate push ups as much as I do, I would recommend the site. I'll keep you updated on how it's progressing.

Exploring a new city, #6 is in the works as well. Mom and I will be exploring Buffalo, NY in April. It was challenging to choose a location that wasn't too far away, we haven't been to previously and still within our means of available resources. So...Buffalo it is. I'm intending on knocking out #32 as well on this trip. If you've been to Buffalo...any suggestions?

There are several other items from the list that are in progress. Starting a business, writing an article, learning a new language and the design software; these are all in the works. Looking at the list and how many things are left seems a little overwhelming but it keeps me motivated.

How are your new year resolutions coming along? Are you still maintaining? Have you succeeded already or given up?

32 X 32 Update

I'm two and half months into the new year and my list is getting longer. Okay, not really. It just seems that way to me. As of today (my least favorite day of the year), I officially have three months left to complete roughly 26 items on my list. There are several that are in progress and will hopefully be completed in time.

I figured since Valentines is generally a drag for me, I would find some way to make it more interesting. Seems like an ideal time to scratch something off my list. I can't think of a better way to humiliate myself than to put on the dreaded swim suit and take my winter white, pasty self to the pool for some water zumba. That's right...#4 is complete. Booyah! I'm not sure I would call it fun but, it was a good mix up to my work out. The best part is that my lack of coordination and dance ability is hidden under water. Awesome.

Other updates...

12. Start learning a new language. I selected Italian. I purchased a phrase book and cd to start learning some of the basics. Clearly I won't be able to speak or understand much by May, but hopefully I'll be able to toss around a few phrases. Maybe someday I'll be fortunate enough to actually go to Italy and use it.

13. A set of 50 push ups. So....what if they're all "girly" push ups? Does that count? At this point I'm not even close to doing 50 girl push ups so I'm thinking that may have to be the goal. 50 standard push ups, mmmm...unlikely.

14. Start a business. Although I can't officially cross this off my list as complete, I'm definitely getting closer and I do intend to have filed the name with state by May. A website is already in the works. Resources for other essentials are being researched. Many thanks to the friends that are supporting me in this venture. :)

15. Learning a design/software program. Ha! Okay, I've decided so far this stuff isn't cut out for me. I downloaded GIMP a free program to try to learn the basics on. I don't get it. I need some serious tutorials. I'm not sure if the Adobe software would be any easier. I do hope to have something to show for this.

28. Go on a blind date. Still need some help with this, peeps. ; )

29. Find a mentor. I think this one can be considered complete. I met with someone I respect and admire and she was kind enough to lend me a fresh perspective and get me in touch with some new contacts. I'm very fortunate to be surrounded by so many great individuals.

Okay, I think that about wraps up this update. Thanks for following. Now..I'm about to take myself out to meet a friend for an anti-V Day drink. Cheers!

Heavy

We've all seen the articles giving advice on how to prepare for the financially unexpected. They say you should have enough savings to support you for six months. They're right, you should. But what if you were struggling to make ends meet while you were employed, let alone save a little extra for a rainy day? Unfortunately, that time has come. It doesn't feel like a rainy day, it's more like torrential downpour.

The financial burden of losing a job is stressful, but no one talks about the emotional and psychological burden. Where are the 'how to' articles that coach us on what to say and do for our friends and family that lose their jobs? Where are the articles or books teaching us how to gracefully cope with the emotional roller coasters we're about to endure? I'm sure if you want to take this literally, there probably are books out there that share someones struggle with some helpful tips on what to say or do. The truth is....there really isn't anything anyone can say to make things better. No one can prepare you for the gnawing feeling in gut that is really the potential fear of losing your home or perhaps filing bankruptcy. No one can help you prioritize which possessions to start selling in order buy groceries that week. Those who are close to you will listen, be empathetic and tell you things will turn around. You may even believe them. I did, and hopefully still do.

I'm sure there's a point in time in everyone's life where they feel like they've hit bottom. I like to be the cup is half full person so if I'm at bottom that means it can only go up from here, right? It hit me hard when I came to a realization that two college degrees means nothing when times are tough. I grew up thinking if I worked hard and put myself through college I wouldn't have to struggle. Wrong. I've come to a point where it's time to swallow my pride and simply do what needs to be done.

My grandma, God love her, can be a bit difficult. She's been through many hard times, but she was able to overcome obstacles late in life. Later than most would imagine. Yes, she gets on my nerves at times *eye roll* but I know she's been through numerous hardships. She has accomplished some amazing feats. I look up to her for this. So, that comment I made earlier about college....so what. Degrees don't entitle me to anything in life. I have to do the dirty work and take out the trash. I feel like I'm in the middle of a horrible reality show about getting knocked down and everyone is watching to see if I'll get back up and come back even stronger. I'm trying. My mind is constantly swirling and every day is a struggle. So if I seem a little out of sorts, I really am.

Last night I was out with a group of friends and found myself in an extremely uncomfortable situation. It's hard to accept that I can't be the best friend or daughter right now. I want to be giving, sympathetic, empathetic or joyful...whatever the occasion calls for but it's just not in me right now. I realize that we're all going through something, or a rough patch. I know things could always be worse. Some people are going through job loss, others divorce. Some have medical conditions hindering them from living a "normal" life and others even have a terminal illness. Yes, I'm well aware that I still have blessings to be thankful for, and I AM. That doesn't mean my situation is any easier. I find myself feeling like I should apologize for my behavior. Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't. Perhaps I'm making a bigger deal of things than they really are. (I usually do) Hopefully, the family and friends closest to me realize that these are the cards I've been dealt and I may be a little slow on making my next move but I'm doing the best I can, right now.

The F in February is not for Fun

Fun February? No....it's more like freezing and frigid. I know I'm not alone when I say the month of February is a drag. For me this month has always been cold and dismal. The weather stinks and with the crazy ice storm we received yesterday the month has already lived up to the expectation. *grumble* My month started off with failing internet service, a painful trip to the dentist, a nail in one of my front tires and some other disappointing news. Awesome. Boohoo, right. Everyone has problems and if you're reading this you most likely didn't come here to read or here about my woes. So I suppose that's enough for now. How about a little escape to Margaritaville? It always brings a smile to my face. : )




Wondering about an update on my 2011 project 32? It's coming soon.

Overdue update

I started off my new year with this slightly overeager list of things to do by my birthday in May. Some people are a little skeptical, yet others are encouraging.

I've scratched a few items off my list. On Sunday, with the encouragement of a few friends I made cannoli and homemade pizza for the first time.


21. Make cannoli The cannoli, while edible they weren't quite right. It was definitely a learning experience. Gearing up to try again this weekend.
23. Make pizza dough from scratch, and then the pizza of course. The pizza was the second item made from scratch in the same day. Thank T for the use of your awesome Kitchen Aid stand mixer. Maybe I should just call her my sponsor for these two adventures. Anyway...the pizza was just okay. It too could use a little work, and I intend to try again.









During our recent snowpocalypse I decide to knock out another item on the list. I giggled my way through 19. Watch Some Like It Hot. I'm curious if a remake of the movie would be as charming. This was my first Marilyn movie and now I'm anxious to catch up on some of her others.

Three down, 29 to go and some of them seem a little daunting. Anyone interested in sponsoring one? I give "shout outs". Thanks for the encouragement, keep it coming!

My resolution....32 New Things

We're almost a full week into the year and I still haven't published my New Year's resolution. This year I thought I'd try something a little different. I'm borrowing an idea from Yes and Yes. I'm going to complete (er...attempt) 32 new things by my 32nd birthday on May 14th. Feel free to poke, prod and encourage me along over the next few months. I'll make an effort to post a follow-up blog to each one completed. I know...contain your enthusiasm. It's about to get pretty exciting. Ha!

1. Cook something with red wine
2. Obtain a paid marketing position/role
3. Skydive
4. Attend a water aerobics class
5. Take a dance class
6. Explore a new city
7. Purchase a more fuel efficient car
8. Bake a pie from scratch
9. Finish reading I Was Told There'd Be Cake (a book I've had for almost two years and keep putting off finishing)
10. Attend an event at The Lincoln Theatre
11. Walk the Olentangy trail from start to finish (13 miles, someone will need to pick me up and drive me back to the start)
12. Start learning a new language (Italian or Spanish)
13. Do a set of 50 push ups.
14. Start a business (finally)
15. Learn a design program/software
16. Take a belly dancing class
17. Go to a bar and have a drink by myself
18. Write article on customer service
19. Watch Some Like It Hot
20. Play paintball
21. Make cannoli
22. Take a (dreaded) spin class
23. Make pizza dough from scratch, and then the pizza of course.
24. Go ice skating
25. Play the lottery
26. Take Sammy horseback riding
27. Eat vegan for a day
28. Go on a blind date (friend set up, grrrr....)
29. Find a mentor
30. Tutor/mentor at a school
31. Plant/grow herbs
32. Ride in a helicopter